Everything I Need to Know, I learned from Saved By the Bell

I'm one of those people that is always making-up/resolving situations in my head. They are generally ridiculous things that will really never happen (ie: what questions I can answer on a game show, what to do if the police show up at my door while I'm in the shower, what to say to the person who stole my car) you get the picture. So it was no surprise when I found myself wondering what I would do if my neighbor's bird died while we were in charge of feeding it. That's when I realized this: I've already seen this happen, so I'm totally prepared.

In one of the early seasons of Saved by the Bell, Zack is in charge of watching Slater's chameleon, Artie, while Slater is out of town. While he's away, Artie dies, and Zack tries to replace him with another chameleon. Slater realizes the switch, and is hurt that his friends tried to be dishonest. THANK GOODNESS FOR THIS EPISODE. Now I know that if Karen's bird dies while in my care - I'll just have to tell her the truth, and maybe offer to have said bird stuffed and mounted.

Here are some other important lessons I learned from Zack, Kelly and the rest of the gang:

If your friend's college of choice isn't interested in her, all you need to do is put on a mustache, make a sign that says, "HARVARD," and show interest in her. The other college reps will be impressed that harvard likes your friend, and will want her in their college.

Don't accuse a homeless man of stealing a sport coat from the department store. Your friend probably has it on hold as a gift for the homeless man.

Don't trust your principal's younger, cooler, Michael-Bolton-look-alike, brother when he offers to take your class on a rafting trip. He's not going to show up.

Having a life sized cutout of your girlfriend, in her volleyball uniform, in your bedroom is NOT creepy.

The only thing that sets the "nerds" apart from the "cool kids" are pocket protectors and black curly hair.

Casey Kasem WILL come to your school, if you just ask.

Kids in California actually have six years of high school, and five proms.

Never dump your All-American boyfriend for a college guy named Jeff, who still works at the high-school hotspot. He's just out to break your heart.

Geometry-stressed-caffeine-pill-addicts don't get to sing for the talent scout.

When in doubt, where a turtleneck. It's always a good statement.

I look at all of the times I was faced with these serious dilemmas in my life, and am so glad that I had such good, older friends to set these examples for me. With Bayside's Best showing me the way, I feel like I'll always be prepared. I'll be sure to order this series for my kids in a few years.

Maddie came home from preschool the other day with lots of fun facts about George Washington. She said he was nice to people, and that he was the first President of the United States. He was so honest that he even told his dad the truth when he cut down a cherry tree. Then she handed me this:

All I'm sayin' is that if this is what Georgie was wearing the day of the cherry tree incident, he had a lot more to confess to his dad.

Forgotten

Dear Mac,

I love everything about you. I love your huge screen, your dainty keyboard, and your sleek and classy style. I love that when I walk into your original home, I will always be greeted by sales-people wearing thick-rimmed glasses for cool reasons. I love your commercials and your abilities, but mostly I love your timing. Thank you for loving us enough to break down one month before our warranty expired. If three more weeks had passed before you let on that your hard drive was kaput, I would have been very, very mad at you. But, no, once again - you have proven yourself to this family. You even gave us sweet and thoughtful, "you may want to back up your files," gestures before sacrificing yourself. We welcome the new and improved you back into our home with open arms. Getting reacquainted with you has taken me back to a few favorite photos that never made the blog-cut. I promise I won't put off posting family photos any more. Thanks for helping me realize one of the greatest loves of my life.....the internet.

Much love and appreciation,
Mom

Shame

I have been a horrible, HORRIBLE Mexico blogger. I have promised so many people pictures, but the truth is...I can't beat my sister-in-law, Mandy on this one. She really has the best pictures, and has done a great job posting on our trip. Here are a few last pictures before I send you to the ultimate Mexico blog:

Click  HERE to see the rest of our trip.  Thanks, Mandy (or Greg?)  for all the pictures you took.  I am SO ready to go back.  I do have one more video, but my computer is freaking out.  I'll get to that one soon.  

P.S.  Coconut milk is GROSS.  Just gross.  Even if it does look cute with a straw coming out, believe me...not worth it!  

I feel like a workout failure. All this time I was just exercising my body, when I should have been exercising AND learning how to fend off predators in a foreign country.



Weird.

P.S. Is this considered a good workout in Japan?

There are few things I hate more than when a stranger rings my doorbell in the middle of the day. Mostly because I am always caught with a dirty house, and no makeup. And on this particular day I was caught with sick kids that were still in pajamas at 1:00. In these situations, I usually stare at whoever is standing outside my door through my peep-hole, and wait for said stranger (who ALWAYS has a clipboard) to leave my house. (It usually takes a few knocks and doorbell rings because he can hear my kids screaming, "MOM! ANSWER THE DOOR, WHO IS IT?") This man seemed too dressed up for security system sales, and he was older than the average Winder Dairy Salesman, so curiosity got the best of me, and I opened the door.

Here is the conversation that my brother and I had after this guy left (via instant message).

Me: Sorry (I was gone), funeral salesman at the door. Um, REALLY, door to door funeral sales?

Greg: REALLY??

Me: Yeah.

Greg: Does he know you have sick kids or something? "Hello, the word on the street is that you have sick kids. Today is your lucky day, we're having a half off sale!"

Me: Who SELLS funerals?

Greg: Um, death?

Me: Um, someone who is planning on killing you?

Me: "Hello, Ma'am. I'd like to talk to you about your impending death."

Greg: I would have been like, "You're older than I am. Have you planned yours?"

Me: Are death rates so slow that they need to sell the idea of dying? This IS a bad economy!

Greg: When Mandy and I got married the local funeral home sent us a brochure. Then a family tree book.

Me: Hopefully with a note that said, "Sorry we sent those in the wrong order!'

These little conversations get me through the day. Even if they are due to Funeral Salesmen.

Only in Dreams

Growing up, I was always that person who came to school to tell my friends, "I had the weirdest dream about you last night..." My dreams were always long, detailed, and usually very soap-opera-like.

Over the years, my sleeping habits have changed. I don't dream nearly as much as I used to since I usually spend several hours awake in the middle of the night. Last night I was up from 3-6. But from 6-7:30, I had one of my recurring dreams. I dreamt that I ran into an old friend from high school, and he was crying because he was working at a car wash to support the son that his girlfriend had kidnapped. (Yeah - NOT the recurring part, more the soap opera part). So then in mid conversation my teeth started falling out. I just kept apologizing to him for my gross behavior, and explaining that this wasn't usually what my teeth did. What the...?

There are two more dreams that I get all the time: the braces dream (see THIS post to understand) and the dream where I'm married to someone else. It's usually to people that I don't like much, and I keep thinking, "Man, HOW did I get into this?" Then I'll remember that I'm actually married to Rob, and that we have three kids together. I have to explain this to my new husband, and try to find out where I left my other family.

My dreams baffle me, but even MORE bizarre in my opinion, are my husband's dreams. I swear the guy doesn't dream about people at all. He dreams in giant lizards, dragons and dinosaurs. And he's ALL OVER THE PLACE. He kicks, he yells, he fights, and he casts spells in the middle of the night. I remember one night when we were first married he did that thing where you're just dozing off (and then in your dream you trip or fall or something) and jump. I asked, "Woah, what was that? " He said, "I was dodging a dragon." I think I made fun of that for the first four years of our marriage.

Thinking about all of this made me wonder what other people dream about. Anyone else's teeth falling out? Are you living in the Land of the Lost? Maybe it's just us. Maybe we are just that crazy.

Please Join Me

In wishing my husband a VERY HAPPY

30th Birthday!!

(It's not until Sunday, but I wanted to give everyone ample time to leave him a birthday comment.)

He was out of town last weekend, and while he was gone, some of his work buddies turned his work space into an early birthday present:

I'm not quite sure how to beat a naked mannequin swimming in his cubicle. Any ideas for topping this?

Happy Birthday, Love!

Bagel Love

I love, love, love bagels. If you do too, print up this coupon and get over to your closest Einstein's. My personal fave is the original bagel with Vegi-schmear. (Just a suggestion!)

Every once in a great while I'll have one of those days where I wish I was still renting an apartment rather than owning a home. It usually happens when I start to think about the drama involved in selling a house or the constant upkeep. But I am immediately brought back to reality when I think about my last apartment, where we lived above our landlords. Although I pretty much despised my time there, when I look back, I usually get a good laugh about how odd an experience it really was.

When we first signed our lease, we think our landlord knew our names. As the months went by, we noticed gradual changes of Rob's name on our rent receipts. The month we moved out, our receipt was for Ron Williamson.

We were told by the previous tenants of the apartment that our land-lady's name was Cling-on. They were wrong, but not too far off.

To get to our apartment, you would have to walk behind the house and up a metal staircase. The view from the staircase was of a large pile (I'm talking an entire backyard) of driftwood and animal bones. And a shed full of garbage.

We had poop-brown shag carpet, and for some reason our landlords seemed to cook a lot of potatoes and onions. Our apartment constantly smelled like food.

They decided not to take out some windows when putting an addition on the house. So when you pulled the blinds on some of our windows, you'd only see insulation.

Our landlady named her dog after her husband, and he found it flattering.

While walking to the car one day (I was pregnant with Maddie) Cling-on noticed my maternity pants. She said, "HEY! You found yerself some of those funny pants! I seen them at Sears, and got myself some too! Aren't they comfy?"

She used to feed the stray cats in the neighborhood, but never with cat food. We'd walk outside to see cats surrounding plates of cheerios, or spaghetti and meatballs.

Then there was THIS story.

We heard the phrase git-er-done on a daily basis. Usually as a goodbye. Example:

Me: I'm just headed to the store.

Him: Okay, well, git-er-done. (often said with a half salute)

Don't get me wrong, the lady was a hoot, and so was the husband. But man....living there sure was an interesting experience. I'm glad I have memories like these to help me appreciate my lack of landlords.

"I'm 1, 2, Free."

That's how old Jude turned yesterday. If you ask him, he can't tell you without counting it out on three fingers. Happy Birthday Juders! We love you so much!

The other day while walking past Maddie and Jude's room, I overheard the two of them playing house (aka, Maddie plays house, and narrates everything while Jude sits around playing with trains, mindlessly repeating whatever Maddie tells him to say). Anyway, I listened a little bit closer, and Maddie kept telling Jude that he'd better hurry up because they were going to be late for their wedding. I poked my head in and realized that they were already pretty late. I'd say like five or six months late.

Back to Mexico!!

We spent the first day of our vacation just lounging at the resort, playing in the pool, exploring the grounds, and eating fresh guacamole and Pico De Gallo. It was the daily 3pm snack. This may sound unbelievably dumb, but boy do those Mexicans really know how to make mexican food!! We also had Mexican hot chocolate with every breakfast and dinner. It's one of my new favorite treats, and since returning home, we've only found one place that even comes close to our Chef, Leopaldo's, version.

If I learned one thing in Mexico, it's that life is better with a personal chef.





The second day we went to a theme park called Xplor, It was located just outside of Playa del Carmen, which was about twenty minutes from our place. The park had four main activities: Zip-lining, swimming through caves, rafting through caves, and jungle buggy driving. The zip-lines were the biggest attraction. You actually cover almost two miles over eleven different lines. I had never been, and I was really nervous about going, but I somehow managed to get up there (I'm talking 1500 feet up-there) and found that zip-lining is awesome. We weren't able to get any pictures, but it was an amazing experience that I will definitely be doing again. Here are some shots of our day at Xplor.

Meet Laura (pronounced Lowda). We never really met her, but Rob and I watched this couple LITERALLY run into every single wall in the cave. We know her name because her poor embarrassed husband kept crying out, "Oy, Lowda!" when she would hit a wall. I couldn't understand all of the "encouraging" things this man was saying to Lowda, but Rob could...and he couldn't stop laughing. Rob and I ended up taking the longer route (supposedly twenty minutes longer) just to get out from behind these two. But about five minutes before the tour was over, the routes merged, and we found ourselves right back behind them. Oy. Lowda.

(While wrapping up this post, I was reminded that Xplor was NOT day 2, but day 3. Looks like I'm missing a lot of pictures of our day at Tulum. I'll try to get some from my family, and post about it soon !)

Do you watch House? We do. So I was intrigued the other day when Rob sent me a link and asked, "Is this the House song? Without the lyrics?" It's a cool theme song, but it's even better with the words. The video was mesmerizing. And weird. And then it got creepy. See for yourself.



I love my babies. I love being pregnant. But the thought of any of them putting on a music video, in utero, is a little much for me to handle.

Santa Was Kind

My brother Johnny and his wife Sierra joined us for Christmas morning, where good times, laughter and sugar were abundant. The kids made out like bandits, and have spent most of their time since playing with new toys rather than fighting over the TV or computer. A mom couldn't ask for more.

I was a little dismayed when Maddie looked at her new kitchen, and ran straight for her new $7 Tinkerbell Umbrella that Santa left in her stocking. But she has since taken a liking to the kitchen and is constantly bringing us food and catering parties for choo-choo-trains. (Ahhhh, kids)

Jude got exactly what he wanted. A choo-choo-train slide with Thomas and Percy. Those were his exact words. When we visited Santa and Jude asked for said toy, Santa looked at me and said, "I have no idea what he's talking about." He then told Jude, "You sure talk fast, son." Apparently Santa's helpers were able to translate. Jude won the award for Best Christmas Present Reaction.

Ella, received one of those ball-popper toys, and has spent very little time with it. The second she starts to play with it, Maddie and Jude come running and giggling, throwing elbows and tossing small children to get three seconds of action with this thing. There needs to be much more emphasis on the PLUS part of "12+ months."

Rob spent the morning laying around with the kids and enjoying his new Mario Brother's Wii game. He sure looks handsome in his new Avett Brothers and Radiohead Tees. (A couple of our favorite bands).

I spent the morning fretting over the turkey that refused to cook. But after eight hours in the oven (yes, really) we finally declared the bird done. (And by we, I'm referring to the evil "I've been starving myself all day," glares I was getting from my brother-in-law Aaron. He still denies it.) It never reached the appropriate internal temperature, and I was SURE we were all going to spend the rest of the weekend sick, but we ate it, and it was pretty tasty.

Enough with the talk - on to some pictures. I hope everyone enjoyed their day to the fullest extent.