"While we cannot confirm or deny that it is Melissa in the recent photo scandal, it is very important that the public realize that no tube tops were harmed in the making of this photo."
Even though the subject of this photo is NOT me, I can only imagine how such horrid film came to life. I picture it going down like this:
One afternoon some eight year old girl with brown hair and blue eyes was hanging out at her friends', Janelle and Joanne's house. Janelle was the same age as this brown haired girl, but Joanne was a few years older. A camera was found in the girls' home, and Joanne suggested that they make a fitness magazine. Joanne decided that she (being the oldest) had to be the photographer. Janelle then offered to be a model. Joanne, in true older sister fashion said, "You're to fat to be in a fitness magazine. You get to be the one who holds the lights." Since there were only three girls, the brunette was left to be the fitness model. The brunette girl really wasn't in any shape to be a fitness model either, and actually remembers being directed to, "suck in that roll," during this shot.
This picture was obviously taken before digital cameras, and once the shots were taken, the brunette girl forgot all about them. She really hoped they would never resurface, because the brunette girl thought her parents would kill her. She wasn't allowed to wear tube tops, and thought her parents would think she behaved like a floozy at her friends' home. Unfortunately, at the time Janelle and Joanne's mother happened to be best friends with the brunette's mother, and some time over the next ten years, the pictures were passed from one family to another.
This is all just a theory - I mean, who knows, maybe the brunette really IS a fitness model now. Maybe she's actually Megan Fox, and now I can blackmail her. And maybe now Janelle is a TWIG. The world will never know. One thing I DO know....Greg, you're dead.