Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Oh, Today......

Man, oh man....I'm only seven days into the best year of my life and the universe has already thrown me a, "How are you going to handle THIS?"curveball.  The day started a bit rough, with Madelyn having a bit of a "first grade is so long, why can't you come with me, I'm always so tired" meltdown.  I really felt for her - I know she feels like she's missing out on all of {often referred to as "boring"} things we do at home.  After a pep-talk, hugs, a lunch note and kisses, she happily ran through the school's front doors.

At home there was an instant message waiting for me on my computer screen - Rob wanted to know if I wanted to meet him for lunch.  It was a welcome break, and the kids had a great time.  Little did we know it was the last time I'd drive up to his office and pick him up.  I was excited when he came home an hour early, but immediately knew what happened when he told me to sit down.  His company has been doing layoffs for many years, and Rob has escaped them all - except this one.

I have known it was coming - in some form or another for the past month or two.  I have been in a constant battle with the feeling of, "something big is about to happen." But I never could quite place it.  The good news is that lately we have been questioning the direction we wanted his career to go, thus familiarizing ourselves with other job options.  Perhaps this is just the kick he needed to get into a job that makes him truly happy. He is the last of all of his friends who worked there to get laid off - and every single one of them has moved onto something bigger and better.  We are hoping and praying that it is also in the cards for us.

I am not taking it as well as he is - I'm a bit of a control freak micromanager, and have spent the day in fits of sobbing riddled with bouts of nausea.  I am scared, angry and unsure.  Everyone says that will be gone by tomorrow, when I realize that it's like summer vacation all over again.  I hope they're right.

As panic-striken as I am, I find so much comfort in the fact that I still have all of my children, and my husband under my roof.  Everyone is safe, everyone is healthy, and what we are going through only pales in comparison to what others have survived.  As I sobbed my way through the dinner dishes, I could overhear Rob putting the kids to bed.  He was telling them a scary story about a monster that lived in the closet {don't get frightened, it was only a toy train with red flashing lights}.  He was eccentric, they were giggly - it was a perfect moment.  I realized that over the next little while, as we search for a better job, Rob will get to live out his one life goal - to spend more time with his family.  And really, who am I to  ruin that time for him?  It will be fleeting, but it will be happy.

So, take that - universe.  I'm thirty, I'm strong, and I'm going to get through this.  Because THIS IS MY BEST YEAR EVER!  (Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!)

BDEM: I've been thinking about my Best Day Ever Moment for the day - and it's been a bit of a tough one.  I almost have three equally wonderful moments.  One:  Sitting at lunch with my husband, eating ridiculous amounts of fried food (I mean, how much beer-batter can one small fish fillet get dunked in?!)  I was so happy to be spending his lunch hour with him.  Two:  The realization that Rob will NOT be going out of town in two weeks.  Three:  The peace that comes when you realize that you are not this guy:



Pruning sheers through the eye socket?  NO, THANK YOU!  (See - and even this guy survived...and he was 86!) 



6 comments:

Jamie said...

I am so sorry! WE have just been through months (years) of unemployment and Dave started working yesterday and I realized how WONDERFUL it was to spend so much time with him. He loves our kids like nothing else! We got to spend time together like we were dating again. And there is nothing better to prove to you that the Lord is looking out for you and WILL provide a way than this. I definitely think there should be a 'Spouses Of The Unemployed' club because you'll need a lot of support that sometimes can't come from hubby because he'll feel like he's not good enough when all you really want to say is that you are scared . . . Let me know if you'd like to chat. I have LOTS of experience as a SOTU member. The Lord will take care of you, you can put your faith in that!

Stef said...

Love you BFFer. Rob is awesome. He will find a job way quicker than he wants to... :) I am glad you're going to enjoy this short amount of free time.

Lizza said...

Sucky. But like you said, Super Awesome is waiting around the corner. Maybe there will be more time to play with us? When Jared started Stage 12 and didn't have steady income for 18 months I learned a lot about letting go. The stress of uncertainty is the worst kind of stress. It helped me to realize that everything could go to pot and we still have plenty of people who love us and who would shelter and feed us until we found our footing again. We won't starve and die from cold.

becca said...

You seem (through the internet vibe you're sending out) prepared to handle this. Does he want a job on the farm with Joel?

Maria said...

Sorry, Melissa! That's gotta be a really scary feeling! I'll keep you and Rob in my prayers.

Kendal and Alissa said...

This made my heart drop. I totally say "ditto" to Jamie's comment. It is hard to be the wife on the other end of a job loss, but thank goodness we have a loving Heavenly Father looking after us. I hope you can enjoy at least for a little while having a daddy around all day.